God wants you to be holy

“I want a purity ring.”

Hearing you say these words made me so happy.  Being pure is something to be proud of and I’m grateful that you know it.  I didn’t know it at your age.

I was pure, but my friend sometimes teased me about it.  One of my friends joked about the” V” on my forehead, but I didn’t want to be like my friends who went all the way with guys who didn’t seem to care about them.  

Over the next few years, not all of my decision were perfect, but still I waited.

My mom was very open; more than I was comfortable with.  I remember visiting her at the bar where she worked one afternoon.  She was talking with some customers and said, “I used to have tits, but I gave them to her,” and nodded her head my way.  

I felt time stop and wanted to crawl into a hole.  I was uncomfortable in my changing body and hated when my mom pointed out anything about it.  She often joked about sex with her friends and sisters. This made me more self-conscious, private, and never open to talk about my body in any way with her.  

I have raised a daughter, more open than I was, and I’m so glad.  You are better at asking questions, but we’ve never talked about my own experiences.  You know I got pregnant in college before I was married. Maybe you’ve wondered what I was like throughout high school and college.

Would you be surprised that I was still a virgin on my 21st birthday and then a mom less than ten months later?  

I was dating your dad that summer, but I was more interested in having fun with my friends and celebrating that we were all turning 21.   

I thought turning 21 and still being a virgin was something to be ashamed of.  There was no one in my life that told me that actually I should be proud of it.  

As my birthday got closer, I decided I was too old to wait any longer. I wanted to be prepared so my friend took me to a free clinic. I was given several months of birth control pills and a bag full of condoms. The doctor explained that I could start the first pill packet the Sunday after my period.

I went back to college in the fall with the V off my forehead and still waiting for my period so I could start the pills.  

My period never came.

Could I be pregnant?  A friend assured me I wasn’t.  She was late a few times and said it always started eventually.  

Mine did not.  

Alone, I tried to figure out what to do.  I saw an ad in the college paper for free pregnancy tests.  I made an appointment and headed to an office near campus.

I left there knowing my life was going in a direction I didn’t want, but life didn’t usually go the way I wanted.  I thought I could still make everything okay if I worked hard and finished college, .

I told my sister and your dad, but I wasn’t ready to share it with anyone else. I asked them not to say anything and tried to hide it as long as I could.  I started seeing a doctor at student health center and and crammed as many credits into the semester so I could finish college.

I was home for Christmas when my roommate called.  She had heard from dad’s sister that I was pregnant and was hurt that I hadn’t told her.  I was five months pregnant by then, but still wasn’t ready to tell anyone.

Like it or not,  the word was out so I knew I had to tell my mom too.

I had tried so hard to be good and having to say I was pregnant made me feel like I wasn’t.

I cried saying the words, but my mom immediately said a baby is always good news.  

She was the first to think so and that was a gift.  Iit turned out she was right. The timing wasn’t what I wanted, but I fell in love with my baby boy at first sight.  It seemed taking care of him was the first thing I was innately good at.

I loved being a mom and I pray you will too, but when you hear you are pregnant I want it to be good news.  Thinking back on finding out I was pregnant still feels me with a shame and I don’t want that for you. Among all things I am glad you know God wants you to be holy because He loves you and knows it is best for you.  

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 Easy-to-Read Version (ERV)

3 God wants you to be holy. He wants you to stay away from sexual sins.4 God wants each one of you to learn to control your own body. Use your body in a way that is holy and that gives honor to God.[a] 5 Don’t let your sexual desires control you like the people who don’t know God.