God's power

2 Peter 1:3-4(CEV) We have everything we need to live a life that pleases God. It was all given to us by God’s own power, when we learned that he had invited us to share in his wonderful goodness. God made great and marvelous promises, so that his nature would become part of us. Then we could escape our evil desires and the corrupt influences of this world. “We have learned that the satisfaction of instincts cannot be the sole aim of our lives.” I don’t have a problem with alcohol,  yet this principle from AA applies to me because for years I was driven more by my own desires than trying to please God. I was a Christian and member of a church, but I was often in pursuit of something or someone to find happiness.    I believed in God, but it took attending a new church for me to be made new in my heart and in my thinking.(Ephesians 4:23)  This allowed the Spirit freedom to work within me so God’s nature could become part of me.   I felt my spirit awake with a new hope that replaced the things that I had thought would make me happy, but actually left me so incredibly empty.  I was excited about learning all I could.   I read books and listened to podcasts.  I enthusiastically participated in the small groups and classes available through the church.  They offered time to share and open up with each other in an authentic way.  I  felt a sense of belonging that I had never felt before and was greeted warmly by others when I came to church.  I had attended church most of my life, but I had never experienced church like this before. I loved this new church, but I never became a member there  It was forty-five minutes from where I lived and my kids wanted to continue going to confirmation and youth group with their classmates at our local church.  We worshipped at the new church occasionally, but for several years I mostly listened to their sermons online.   I continued to grow closer to God as I studied His Word,  but worshipping online didn’t allow for connection with others at that church.  I tried at our local church, but was never able to get past casual friendliness with members there. I never could find the type of connection that Brene Brown describes, “... as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”

I was very hopeful when I heard the church I’d been following online was starting a local branch in a town closer to me.  By this point, my son had graduated and my daughter had been confirmed and she was excited to try this new church too.  We began attending regularly.  It was new branch so it wasn’t the same as the one I attended early, but I was excited about the growth and wanted to be a part of it.

I signed up for a small group class where we would be placed into our own life groups.  We met for a few weeks to get to know each other and learned about what it took to create a life group and why we should be part of one.

I heard my own story in so many others.  Lives changed by discovering a relationship with God and others who wanted real connection within the church.  There was so much hope that this new local offshoot of the bigger church would help us grow in our faith and with each other. We were given opportunities to talk about the love of God and shared how we had come to this church.  It was easy to be vulnerable and authentic when others were doing it too.  Many said that Sunday services and the things going on within church were the highlights of their week.

One couple that I felt drawn to shared that their previous small group had dissolved because of busy schedules and they hoped to find a group that would place more importance on getting together.  This really resonated with me because my busy friends rarely had time together either. I loved how they were choosing to make this a priority and I hoped to be put together in their group, but I knew the decision would be up to the leaders.

One leader explained the different ways groups were formed.  The leaders looked my direction as she said some women, including me, were from towns north of the church, and that would make a logical grouping.  I didn’t like her idea of being grouped together just because we weren’t from the town where the church was, especially since I already had hopes for a different group.

But the five of us who lived north of the church were placed together.  I didn’t want to be like Miriam and not trust those in charge.  Miriam doubted that Moses was making the right decisions and her complaint and doubt caused God to give her leprosy (Numbers 12).  I didn’t want to be so set in my own ideas of what would be best that I couldn’t be open to another way.   Was I really a new person who was made to be like God, truly good and pleasing to him as it says in Ephesians 4:24?

I tried to accept that things were going to be different than my plan and be open-minded to something else. But when our group of women were unable to find a time to get together, I felt frustrated.   I’d been praying for fellowship opportunities and community, but it wasn’t working out, again.  Our group spent a few days emailing possible dates for getting together.  Then two of the women decided to leave the group for other ones and we were down to three.  The two other women were quiet and reserved.  I hated to admit it, but I wanted a fun group.  I wanted to back out of the group too and considered emailing the leaders to express my concerns.

Then one of women emailed to say she hoped the following Wednesday night would work for us to get together.  She said she really thought we were put together for a reason beyond the fact that we lived north of the church.

I let her words sink in and felt my attitude shifting a bit.  I thought of how she had also been listening to the church’s online service for several years and had celebrated this new church with the same hopes of growth and connection.  I knew I had to give this a shot.

Rick Warren’s wrote in his devotional, ‘Sometimes God Has a Better Idea’, that “It's okay to make your plans, but remember that life is unpredictable and God says we shouldn't presume on it.  On the other hand, we shouldn't worry about it because God is in control.”

I kept this in mind when we got together and heard this kind woman share her story of being part of a different church during a hard time in her life.  No one welcomed her or befriended her. I felt very convicted.  Her quiet, unassuming, meek nature and my assumption that we were too different had me treating her very similarly-more like middle school than church.  

I needed to let God’s Spirit work in me to create the fellowship and unity that should exist within the Christian church when believers in Christ come together in love, faith, and encouragement.

I wanted this, yet I was failing to accept the way it was offered. God was offering this to me and He can do that in this group or any group.  He can do more than I can even ask or think by His power at work within us.  (Ephesians 3:20-NIV)

But I was acting in ways that stood against what I been praying for.  My actions were limiting the extent in which the Holy Spirit can work within me when I:.

1. Let obstacles, problems,expectations and frustrations consume my mind and block spiritual progress.  Focusing too much on what I want becomes a distraction from what is truly important.
2. Become more committed to other things in our lives ( Fitting in, having fun, getting my way) than serving the Lord.
3. Believe the enemy’s lies.  I believed this had to go my way and God fell short of what I needed to happen for this to work.   We must stay in the word so we know truth and can battle lies.
4. Read the word without letting it truly sink in or acting on it. (The Bible says God can do IMMEASURABLY more than we can imagine, yet I still wanted things MY way.)
5. Not trusting or demonstrating my faith through the way I act.  Complaining and instantly becoming upset when it doesn’t go my way, rather than showing that I trust God can work this out for my good.
6. Act in a way that does not not show  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness.

I have to let the Holy Spirit lead as I continue to be a part of this small group.  Knowing the actions that get in my way and praying to be shown anything else that could hinder all that is possible.