Breathe

“The true bread of God is the one who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.” John 6:33

Do you ever make things harder than they need to be?  Way back when I was finishing college, my student teaching supervisor told me I do this.  She tried to soften her comment by adding that my teaching would become easier and more streamlined with time.

There was no doubt leading a classroom was hard, but I couldn’t pinpoint how I was making it harder.  Thankfully, I did start to see some ways I did this and learned from my mistakes. For example,  I discovered it’s not a good idea to begin an art project to hang in the hallway on the afternoon of parent teacher conferences because of the stress and frustration it created when I tried!

Unfortunately, I can make things harder on myself in other areas of my life too.  Because of this tendency, I am really appreciative when I look back and see how God has lined things up to make things work out for the best. This seemed to be the case when Mark and I bought our first home together.  

We planned to live in the home Mark had purchased after college.  It was on an acreage where he started raising hogs for himself after years of helping his dad with his hog operation. It could have been a good home for us, but he didn’t seem excited about us living there because it was a reminder of the hardest times in his life.  

When he bought the place everything was going well and he was beginning the life he had dreamed about as a kid.  Then his kind father, whose huge, loving heart seemed healthy from daily work on the farm, died unexpectedly from a heart attack. Suddenly he was dealing with the loss of his role model, helping his mom care for the acreage where he grew up, trying to run his own hog operation and take care of his dad’s hogs.  He also had the sole responsibility of farming the land that had been passed down through his family for generations.

He worked long hours, but there was always more work to do. He struggled with the thought that he would just work, work, work and die early like his dad. The workload and grief were overwhelming.  The family farm was his top priority and keeping up with his own home and acreage often got overlooked.   He sold his own hog barns to make time for everything else.

He slowly adjusted to the devastating loss and changes in his life.  However, he rarely had the time, energy, or desire to take care of his own place and it began to show.  It needed some attention and locals let him know.  

When we met, his home had became a source of frustration for him and he didn’t seem to want us to live there.  However, because of the condition of the house,  he was even more hesitant to sell it, so we made the decision to move there after we married.  We slowly started fixing up the house, but he never seemed happy about our plan.  I didn’t understand why we were moving there, but I was trying to be agreeable.  I prayed that something would happen to make him feel better about our future home.  

Coincidences or God incidences?

I contacted my neighbor about painting for us.  Then picked her up so she could come out to give us an estimate.   We spent the drive to the farm talking about her plans to move.  She asked if I knew anyone who might be interested in buying her house.

I had a surge of excitement as I wondered what Mark might think of us looking at it.  When I got back home, I was giddy as I called him to see what he thought.  He said he would like to see it so we set up a time to look at the house for the next Sunday afternoon.  He caught me by surprise the next day when he called the bank about a loan. The financing for the house came together over the next week and before long we were on the verge of buying a house in town that we were both excited about.

But, he still had hesitation and fears about trying to sell his home because he wasn’t really ready to list it. He hesitantly agreed to have a realtor give us her opinion of what needed to be done.  The realtor thought it would sell and suggested doing a few more things, including replacing the carpet.  

Our wedding day was coming soon and Mark was overwhelmed with too many things going on at once.  I was full steam ahead and driven by my own fears of making two house payments and working on the farm house endlessly after we got married.  I often have a sense of urgency that Mark does not live with.  He was feeling the stress of how quickly everything was moving. The carpet was scheduled to be replaced while we would be on our honeymoon so he spent the morning of our wedding pulling out the old carpet. Those weeks before our wedding were a challenge as we learned how different our personalities were.

We had a beautiful wedding and reception.  Then we headed off the next day for our honeymoon in a neighboring state.  It far enough from our responsibilities for us to enjoy a relaxing week together.  

We got a call from the realtor on our way back from the trip saying there was an offer on the house.  It was from the son of the man who built the house we were buying in town.  Mark accepted the offer and we were shocked to believe it was possible that his house would sell so quickly.  How had the situations lined up for our lives to take such a great turn?

Chance, our own efforts, or God?

It’s easy to think things work out by luck or our hard work, but we must remember that it’s God who provides what we need. Exodus 16 tells the story of how God rained down manna from heaven and John 6 describes how Jesus fed over 5,000 people with only five little loaves of bread and two fish.  These were miracles that showed God’s provision and I believe the way God provided for us was also a miracle.  When we ask God to provide, we are acknowledging and telling Him we know he’s the only one from whom we can get anything we need.

Praying for miracles or peace?

The way things came together still amazes me and I’m so thankful.  Our house is right for us, but my life didn’t feel perfect after we moved in.  There have been great days and tough days.  Some days I have relied on God’s guidance, but other days I haven’t done as well.  

I have worried that my needs won’t be met.  I get upset, stressed out, and anxious over little things.  Lately, when that happens I have been praying Matthew 6:11. “Give us today our daily bread”  to remind myself that God has always provided and will continue to provide what I need.  He doesn’t just give what satisfies us for a day because “The true bread of God is the one who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.” John 6:33

Jesus spoke to those who came looking for him after the miracle of the loaves and fishes.  He knew they only came to find him because of the miracle of the food that had satisfied them for the day. He told them,

“ But earthly food spoils and ruins.

So don’t work to get that kind of food.

But work to get the food that stays good and gives you eternal life.

The Son of Man will give you that food.

He is the only one qualified by God the Father to give it to you.”  

The people asked Jesus, “What does God want us to do?”

Jesus answered,

“The work God wants you to do is this:

to believe in the one he sent.”

John 6: 27-29

I only have to believe.  Can I trust that God will provide?  Can I learn to stop making life harder than it needs to be?   Sometimes I focus and work so hard for earthly “food” that I lose sight of the “food” that stays good and gives eternal life. The things I want can frazzle me, but I am still striving to get them.  Can I learn to let go and choose peace over the thing I think I need at that moment? Can I trust God enough to do that?   I pray that each day I get better at trusting in God’s provisions and living for what lasts forever.  I pray to cling to God more than anything else.

"Breathe"

This is the air I breathe

This is the air I breathe

Your holy presence living in me

This is my daily bread

This is my daily bread

Your very word spoken to me

And I I'm desperate for you

And I I'm I'm lost without you

This is the air I breathe

This is the air I breathe

Your holy presence living in me

This is my daily bread

this is my daily bread

your very word spoken to me

And I'm, I'm desperate for you

And I'm, I'm lost without you

And I'm desperate for you

And I'm, I'm lost without you.

I'm lost without you.

I'm lost without you.

I'm desperate for you.

(Cry out to live)

I'm desperate for you..

I'm lost, I'm lost, I'm lost without you..

I'm lost without you

I'm desperate for you

(How many of you are hungry for God?)

(I want more of Him. Who wants the flood gates to open up?)