Words

A word can accomplish nearly anything-or destroy.   It only takes a spark to set off a forest fire a word out of the mouth can do that too. James 3:5 (The MSG) Have your words ever set someone off?   

Recently, mine did.  They ignited my daughter’s anger and hurt her feelings. My careless speech destroyed a moment I had to build her up and give comfort after a tough day at school.  Instead, my words were hurtful.

She was telling me how some girls at school just don’t like her.  A classmate had posted something critical on Instagram that she felt was directed at her. The insult was very upsetting and it was fresh in her mind as they got to pick new tables in one of her classes.  Hoping to avoid more conflict, she chose a table off by herself.  Then a group of boys came and sat with her.  I didn’t take long for her to notice girls whispering and looking her way.  She felt misjudged and frustrated.  She considered the boys her friends and didn’t think she was doing anything wrong.  She finished telling me this story by saying a lot of girls seem to hate her.  

My thoughtless, careless reply was: “A LOT of girls?  Do you think you should change something you are doing?”

I made a snap judgement that she must be doing something wrong if the girls didn’t like her, but I didn’t know all the facts. I didn’t like the way the story sounded so I reacted.  Jesus said in John 7:24, “Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly.”

My too quick reaction created a situation where she felt judged by the girls at school AND me.  I immediately knew I had said the wrong thing and tried to back peddle. “ I am not saying you need to change because you are wrong.  I just want to be sure that you’re being nice to them.”

“M-o-o-o-o-o-m, I am nice to them.  Just go.  You’re not helping.”

She was right, I was not helping.  She was hurting and now she looked more upset. The opportunity we had to talk was gone because now she wanted to be alone.  I was frustrated by the way I handled it.  I apologized and walked away and gave her the space she wanted.  I replayed my actions and grumbled at myself for blowing it.    

The next morning I turned to scripture looking for wisdom on how I should have handled it. Romans 14:19 (The Message) says, “So let’s agree to use all our energy in getting along with each other. Help others with encouraging words; don’t drag them down by finding fault.”

My words did drag her down. I used my energy to see what her fault was in the situation instead of finding encouraging words that showed I loved her and that I was “for” her. I wouldn’t have done this to a friend who came to me for comfort.

Ephesians 4:29 (ERV) says, “When you talk, don’t say anything bad. But say the good things that people need—whatever will help them grow stronger. Then what you say will be a blessing to those who hear you.”  What good things did she need from me in that moment to help her feel stronger?  She needed affirmation that she was a good person and was loved. She  needed comfort. She needed to have her hurt acknowledged and to hear how sorry I was that she felt hated by anyone.  

When I began to focus on what I could say to build her up, I was reminded of the great things about her that I don’t point out as often as I should.  Changing my thoughts to what she is doing right and not just on what she is doing wrong gave me a whole new perspective.  I need to tell her I SEE the kindness she gives  to her sister and brother, her best friends, and her teammates when she plays sports. She needs reminded that her kindness is a gift and who God made her to be.  Maybe that would make it easier for her to show her kindness to those who aren’t always kind to her.  It says in Hebrews 10:24  (ERV), “we should think about each other to see how we can encourage each other to show love and do good works.”

I want to be a more accepting mom who loves, encourages, and inspires confidence to do good works because we all need someone that we know is FOR us, when others are not.  Acts 9: 26 -28 describes how Barnabas was that someone for Saul when the others were unwilling to accept him because of his past mistakes.

“Then Saul went to Jerusalem. He tried to join the group of followers, but they were all afraid of him. They did not believe that he was really a follower of Jesus.  But Barnabas accepted Saul and took him to the apostles. He told them how Saul had seen the Lord on the road and how the Lord had spoken to Saul. Then he told them how boldly Saul had spoken for the Lord in Damascus.   And so Saul stayed with the followers and went all around Jerusalem speaking boldly for the Lord.”

Barnabas’ accepted Paul when others did not.  He spoke up for him and this helped Paul in becoming the most successful missionary in spreading the Christian faith.  Barnabas joined Paul on his earliest missionary journeys.  Later in their time together, Paul suggested that he and Barnabas should go back to all the towns where they had told people the message of the Lord to see how they were doing.  Barnabas thought Mark should go with them, but Paul disagreed because Mark had not stuck with them throughout their first mission.   

This time, Barnabas stuck by Mark when he was doubted by others because of his past mistakes.   Barnabas would not give up on him.  He knew Mark was not perfect, but he was there for him anyway.  Barnabas and Paul split ways because of Barnabas’ determination in staying with Mark.  This split created two separate missionary teams.(Acts 15:36-41).  Barnabas and Mark went their own way and Paul and Silas went their way. Both pairs were able to continue with successful missions of spreading the Gospel to others.

I  want my words and actions need to show I’m there for my daughter.  Barnabas stuck by others and was known as the “son of encouragement” or “son of consolation” because he excelled in providing comfort to those suffering.  I want to be able to provide that too.  I am so thankful to have God and his Word to turn to when I don’t know how to handle a situation.  The Spirit is leading me to really study the power of my words and look for opportunities to show my acceptance and encouragement when it is needed most.   God gives second chances and I pray that I will be blessed with many more opportunities to encourage my daughter.

Dear Lord, Thank you for being a God of second chances.  The next time I have the opportunity, please help me be there in the ways I am needed without jumping to conclusions and making judgements.  Help me be loving and choose words and actions to build others up.  In your loving name I pray, Amen.