Forever Reign
1 Timothy 4:4 (ERV)
Everything that God made is good. Nothing he made should be refused if it is accepted with thanks to him.
I have always loved summer break, but two years ago I really appreciated the time off because I was in the last months of my pregnancy. I kept busy with Leah’s softball games, graduate classes, teaching some swimming lessons, and preparing for the baby. I was frequently reminded that I was of advanced maternal age and was encouraged to keep active. My doctor often gave me credit for having the lowest blood pressure of the day so I continued exercising. I balanced it out with ice cream, daily naps, and time on my front porch.
Maycee was born on the last day of July. Luke and Leah were still home on summer break when we brought her home. The miracle of a tiny newborn was not lost on them and they were in awe of her. Leah changed many diapers during that first week home when I was moving slow from a c-section. She was especially concerned about me and could tell when I was hurting from trying to do too much. A blessing of having a daughter is how she notices things like that when no one else in my family does. My heart was overflowing with the joy of this healthy baby, the way her daddy loved her, and the older kid’s acceptance of this huge change.
Within a few weeks, Leah went back to school and Luke moved back to Ames. The extra hormones surging through my body made this really hard and I was teary and emotional. It was the first time in many years that I wasn’t starting school too. Maycee was a great baby and slept several hours a day, but I struggled with so much free time. The things keeping me busy before she was born were finished and I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. I wondered why I needed to keep busy all the time and why stillness was so hard for me. I felt trapped at home and couldn’t understand what was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I just enjoy this time?
Eventually, I got into a routine and part of that included writing down bible verses, prayers, and thoughts in a journal. As I looked back through that journal, this passage really stuck out to me:
We are saved by what God has done, not by what we do. I don’t get a gold star for writing in here or reading the Bible. God wants us to do it for our sakes. Too often I do this out of a sense of duty and I want to finish quickly so I can move on to the next thing. Lord, I ask you to fill me with more desire to seek out these moments for all the ways they can help me serve you.
Ephesians 2:4-5-”But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.”
I don’t remember praying for the desire to be able to sit and write, but I did, and God answered my prayer. A habit that started as a duty to relieve my anxious mind, became my favorite time of day and led to a love of writing. I never gave any thought to how it happened. This writing of prayers also brought me peace during my maternity leave so I could begin to enjoy my time at home.
I wonder how often my prayers are answered and I don’t even notice or give thanks. I am going to continue writing specific prayers in my journal so I can look back and see how they’re answered and the ways He is changing me.
God is good when I don’t even notice. God is good when I don’t see His answers because I keep myself so busy I don’t have time. God is good when I feel there is nothing good in me. It can take me feeling disappointed and lost to finally run to His arms. I am thankful He is more than I will ever find when I look for contentment in other parts of my life. I thank Him for bringing peace. I pray that I will let His goodness be enough so I can keep singing his praises.
Forever Reign
“You are good You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love You are love
On display for all to see
You are light You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope You are hope
You have covered all my sin”
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