Chain Breaker

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.  For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (NIV)

Maycee and I were home most of the day by ourselves yesterday.  It was hot outside, but to me it felt fine inside.  The AC was on, but I had turned up the thermostat throughout the day and no one was home to tell me how warm it was.  When Mark got home from golf around 8:30, he said,”Do you really not think it is hot in here?”

I shook my head no and he said, “It’s 79 degrees, you are a crazy person.”  I knew he was not talking about my mental health, but my internal temperature control, and he is right, it is crazy.  I am usually cold and don’t realize others are not.  I replied,” I told you before we got married I didn’t run the AC much at all."  

“I told you a lot of things before we got married too,” he said. I sat in stunned silence as I processed this reply.   I was confused and then realized he must have taken my comment differently than I meant it.  Did he think I was saying one of my ground rules before we got married was, “NO AC!”? What I meant was this is my norm when given control of the thermostat.  I felt he was letting me know I had broken some of his marriage rules too.  Suddenly, my feelings were hurt.  One of my biggest fears is that I am not what he hoped or expected.  I could REALLY let this thought spiral out of control.  Hurt feelings and feeding anger and helplessness are both roads I have been walking for years, even though they never help.

What we feed grows.  It is normal to be upset, but the problem gets worse when the story is on constant replay in our heads.  We make ourselves the victim.  It doesn’t make the situation better.  The injustice still happened, but now we are a bit more resentful and bitter. We willingly give up peace and joy when we CHOOSE to dwell on it. Peace is only available when we choose it.

Sometimes we tell ourselves things over and over that only serve to keep us feeling bad about ourselves. Aaron Beck is the psychiatrist that gave this disorder a name, cognitive distortion. These are ways our mind convinces us of something that isn’t really true. These inaccurate thoughts are usually used to reinforce negative thinking or emotions.  His studies found that depressed people have AUTOMATIC thoughts about themselves, the world, or the future. The Beck Institute says, ”these thoughts 'pop up' or 'flash' in your mind without conscious thought.” He helped his patients recognize unhelpful thinking and reacting, and then replace these with more realistic or helpful ones.


I  find this research fascinating because it reinforces what the Bible says.  We need to recognize negative thoughts and replace them by turning to God.  “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."  2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV)


 Romans 12:2 tells us, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

We can turn to His word so often that they become the thoughts that come to us automatically.  In this world, it is normal to be easily offended, upset, focus on unfairness, complain, and stew for days over a comment and the person who said it doesn't give it a second thought.  It would be a drastic change to fix our thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable and think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.   
It would take calling out to God throughout the day.  He is available after our every thought, right there in that pause, before we react.  My feelings get hurt easily because humans are fallible and our mouths fire off too quickly, including my own. The enemy would like if I took a few days to pout and be angry over my husband's comment, and boy, it would be easy to do.  Instead, I will  choose to believe that my patterns of doubt and hurt can be transformed daily by praying and thanking God at all times. ‘So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he’ll be there in no time.’   James 4:7 (MSG)



Grohol, John M. "15 Common Cognitive Distortions." Psych Central. N.p., 17 July 2016. Web. 22 May 2017.

https://www.beckinstitute.org/about-beck/our-history/history-of-cognitive-therapy/














 



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